Being a dork is a full occupation.

So, I have HUGE writer's block for both let it happen and infinite, and this chapter was already written, so enjoy!

Breathe, Hayley. Just take a deep breath in...and let it out. You have to keep your sanity about this. All you have to do is accept the award, say a little speech, say a few hi/goodbyes and be back on the couch watching old movies with your girls in no time. I

I didn't want to make eye contact with him at all, but will force a glance and a smile if I had to. But he didn't even deserve a smile, so dirty glance it is. I sat in front of the mirror, messing with the newly dyed dark red curls framing my face, and adjusted the locket around my neck. Inside of it were photos of my daughters, Gwen, 17, and Allison, 6. He had given me that locket for my 18th birthday, when we were happy.

If I knew what I know now back then, I would've done a lot of things differently.

"Mom? are you ready?" Gwen asked, leaning against the doorframe. She had finished getting dressed in a navy blue ensemble I picked out for her.  "The babysitters here." 

"Ok." I nodded, getting up from the mirror and smoothing out my dress."I look ridiculous." I muttered, quietly.

She rolled her eyes. "Mom, stop freaking out, you look great."

"I don't feel great." I muttered again, feeling like a child.

Being a 37 year old -soon to be divorced- single mother of two was not what I considered to be worthy of a 'lifetime achievement' award. But then again, I was in a platinum selling rock band.

Gwen rolled her eyes and brushed her long dark brown hair behind her shoulder. "Oh come on Mom, you look hot. He'll regret everything the moment he sees you." she giggled.

I sighed. "Not if he is only looking at that bimbo wannabe gold digger." I hissed underneath my breath.

Gwen sighed and sat on the bed, giving up on making me feel better. The separation effected us all in different ways. Gwen tried to seem hopeful, and his all of her feelings inside, Allison didn't really understand and asked why 'daddy didn't love us anymore', and I was angry, hurt, and shut myself off from the world and kept myself and my girls in a little cocoon, waiting to transform into a new life.

I fixed my hair for the last time and took a deep breath and walked out into the living room of my lavish upscale apartment in New York City, which was another benefit from the success of Paramore and my record label that he and I both started. I was going to avoid even thinking about his name.

Stacy, our next door neighbor's daughter, was a cute, honor roll student with light hair and bright blue eyes. She was always happy to babysit Allison, she adored her. She and Allison were on the floor trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle. Allison was a carbon copy of her dad, except for her hazel eyes that look green in the sunlight. She was too mature for an 6 year old, and -due to the situation with her dad and I- goes to therapy every week.

"Hey Mrs.Farro. Oh, I mean Ms.Williams, sorry. Form of habit"

"It's okay Stac, just call me Hayley from now on." I said with a small smile. "Gwen and I will be home around 1ish. Does that work with you?"

"Yeah. my dad knows I'm staying late so it's all good."

"Oh, ok. My cell number is on the fridge, call if you need anything." I said as Gwen practically pulled me out the door. I didn't want to go at all.

The limo was outside waiting for us, ready to take us to Radio City Music Hall to get the award and celebrate. I'd rather get a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cake Batter with sprinkles and watch Wayne's World.

The minute we got into thebuilding I was whisked away backstage as Gwen gave me a reassuring hug, promising that she would be in the front row and not to freak out. Sometimes, I thought our roles as mother and daughter felt as if they were switched. She was my rock, she helped me through all of this.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I gasped and whirled around to meet a pair of familiar blue eyes covered underneath thick framed glasses and a beanie. "Jeremy!" I gasped in relief, giving him a tight hug.

He chuckled lightly. "Nice to see you too." he said as he pulled away.

"How is Jesse and the kids?" I asked, trying to catch up, I hadn't seen him since last christmas.

"They're fine, Amanda just turned 10. How are your girls?"

I let out a breath. "They're pulling through." I admitted honestly.

He nodded solemnly. He knew everything that had happened, and was as just as disappointed in him as I was. He put his hands on my shoulders. "How are you doing?"

I shrugged, fighting back tears. "The best I can, I put a smile on for my girls. They miss you and Jesse a lot." I told him.

"Well you'll just have to bring em down to Nashville for the holidays, show them your old roots." He joked.

I laughed lightly. "Maybe."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Josh waltz in with bimbo Megan attached to his hip. Jeremy gave me a questioning look as he turned to the direction I was looking. He muttered something underneath his breath. "He's got some nerve..." He hissed.

My heart rate started to pick up as my breathing became uneven. It wasn't enough that he left me for her and all of her fake,zplastic looks; now he was shoving it in my face. Jeremy left as Zac and Taylor walked up giving me hugs and apologetic looks. "Hayley, I didn't know he was going to bring her, I'm so sorry." Zac said quietly.

"Don't be. Its not your fault." I said as Josh was walking over to me. My breath got caught in my throat.

"Hayles," He said, I winced at his old nickname for me. I avoided his glare and shifted closer to Zac and Taylor. "Come on, we need to talk." He begged, blocking me as I tried to walk away.  "You can't ignore me forever."

I looked up at him and shot him a cold glare. "Watch me." I hissed, walking past him as I tried to keep my composure. My stomach was twisted in knots.

The presenter announced us as the producers pushed me towards the stage, my footing was off slightly. The first thing I noticed was how many people were in the audience, standing up and cheering for us. I swallowed and tried to keep my breathing even. I was having a panic attack. I was handed a mike as I took in a shaky breath and tried to see past the lights focused on us. I could feel my forehead getting hot, my vision started to fuzz around the corners. "Wow...I...we" I stammered, as my vision got worse and I ran a shaky hand through my hair. I could feel Josh's glare on me, it only made it worse.

The mike slipped through my fingers as I felt my legs buckle underneath me. Screams filled the air as I fell. The faces of Jeremy, Gwen, and Josh blended with the colored lights, the last thing I heard was Josh and Gwen calling my name as everything went black.

- - - - -

"Hayley...." I heard a voice call my name.

"Spongebob."

"I bet she's faking."

The voices sounded so familiar, my head was pounding. My eyelids flooded open to a different lightly. It took a minute for my vision to adjust. Zac, Taylor, Jeremy, and Josh were all standing around me with smiling faces. Was I in the hospital? That was when I noticed the clothes they were wearing...neon and skinny jeans. Jeremy's hair was long, and Zac was wearing a red headband, Josh had the blond back in his hair. "What happened?" I groaned, attempting to sit up.

"You passed out onstage from the heat. They gave us the day off today." Josh explained kissing my forehead. I cringed lightly from his touch. What was going on?

I was on the couch in a tour bus, wearing my bright yellow skinny jeans that I wore for the awards, that I also wore from the Paramore days. Then I noticed the sign posted on the cabinets. "Warped Tour 2008"

What the heck was going on??