Being a dork is a full occupation.

here is the next update! things are going to be going a lot faster now. And if you haven't already, follow me via twitter @ 30seconds2paija. Creative username eh? haha. My AIM is misspaijakay for those who want to chat while I'm under parental house arrest! (Long story)

*2 months later*

Jack and Alex were both out of the house for the evening and Alex all but begged me to come with him to a party. Parties weren't usually my thing, I'd rather take any chance I get to have a moment of peace when you live with two boys. I sat on the couch, looking at the snowflakes falling and collecting on the frosted windowsills. I couldn't believe it was already almost the end of December. So many things have happened this year. The lights from the christmas tree was reflected in the window. I had always wanted to get a real pine tree. My mom and I had a small plastic one with the lights and ornaments already on. Last year she had given me a barbie doll, obviously forgetting my age.  The highlight of my christmas was getting a card from my grandma for my birthday, I miss her so much. When I expressed my desire for a real christmas tree to Alex last week, he and Jack got a permit and we went and chopped one down ourselves.

I played around with the necklace that Alex had given me as an early christmas present. It was two sterling silver hearts on a thin chain. I think he gave it to me early to cheer me up, because I had gotten a letter from my mother earlier that day. She had probably gotten the address from my grandma, even though they have barely spoken in years. That was also the night we finally had time alone and the evening and we were able to finish what we started instead of being interrupted by Alex chasing Jack around the house in only his boxers.

I shivered a little and wrapped my arms around my tiny frame, getting up to go grab a hoodie. When I reached the room, none of mine were in sight. In the corner of my eye I saw Alex's red hoodie, I grabbed it and put my arms through. It was obviously too large for me, I zipped it up and walked back down the stairs and slumped onto the couch, nestling my face into the warm fabric, inhaling his scent. I instantly felt calm as my eye lids grew heavy and all of the lights on the tree became blurry...finally giving in to my slumber.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

My eyelids sprang open as i heard three distinct bangs on the door. My heart rate sped up as I swallowed hard, my hands already shaky. "Open the door Hayles!" I heard Alex's muffled voice through the door. I jumped up to go unlock it. I quickly glanced at the clock and saw it was 4:30am. I took a deep breath as I opened the door. My suspisions were right as I looked upon a disheveled Alex, slobbering drunk. 'Hey baby." he slurred, looking like he was losing his balance. I ducked underneath his arm and helped him into the house without answering and guided him to the couch. I was used to taking care of my mom when she was drunk, but this wasn't like Alex. I took the bottle of Jack Daniels out of his hand and tossed it into the trash and walked back over to him."I'm drunk." he explained bluntly.

"No shit sherlock." I hissed, with a little more venom than he deserved.

He started to giggle. "You cussed!" He exclaimed again in a fit of laughter. "You never cuss unless you are reeaaalllly mad."

I rolled my eyes and let out a breath. "Why were you drinking? this isn't like you." I frowned.

"because you hate me."

"why would I hate you?" I said softer now.

"because a girl kissed me...I didn't want to kiss her--she wouldn't listen and I still felt bad." he said, clearly getting upset.

"I believe you, but what I'm upset about is that you're drunk Alex! You can't drown your issues in whiskey, like you did when--"

"when I was 14." His eyes were glazed over in a fixed stare. I instantly felt horrible for going to that point.

"Al, I'm sorry. I never meant to say--"

"You did. Hayley. You and I both know it. I'm not a drunk Hayley! I'm a decent person!" he started to say loudly.

"I never said you weren't a decent person Alex! You are taking this out of proportion!"I screamed, pausing to regain my composure. " I just want to know why you did this to yourself."

He looked down at his hands. "I don't know." he mumbled.

"Bullshit Alex!" I yelled again, standing up. "Thats fucking bullshit!" I slipped on my shoes, wiping my bangs out of my eyes as I tried to breathe evenly. "Is this the future for us Alex? Not being able to tell each other how we are really feeling? Is our life going to be made up of lies?" I didn't wait for an answer. "I'm taking a walk."

"Go ahead, be just like your mother and run away from your problems." he hissed.

I winced from his words, the tears started to pool in my eyes. He was right, but I wasn't going to admit it to him. "Fuck you." my voice was shaky as I slammed the door shut, walking out onto the snow covered sheets. I walked down a few blocks fighting the tears back as much as I could. Everything was perfect before tonight. Maybe nothing was perfect at all. Was it a mask that we both wore to hide our fears and pain? All I knew, was that we were never going to be the same again. I finally sat down on a frozen bench and broke down in sobs.