Being a dork is a full occupation.

Here is chapter 20! Things will be going a lot faster and the casting call girls will be in the next chapter!

Hayley

I tried to stay as calm as I possibly could when his eyes met with mine. The last time I wanted to ever see him again was in New York. I was going to start a new life with Josh...and my baby. Alex's baby. Now that he was here, maybe I should tell him. But he didn't deserve our baby. He didn't even deserve Josh's amazing cooking.

"Well hi there Hayley!" Jack chirped.

I snapped out of my trance and managed to give him a real smile. I wasn't mad at him, only at Alex. "Hey Jack-ass." I teased. "What brings you to Franklin?"

"We're on tour with Cute is what we aim for." He said puffing his chest out proudly.

"Wow! really?" I said, not having to fake enthusiasm. "That's so awesome!" Alex was still looking at me with that lost puppy look. "So, what can I get you guys to drink?"

"Gin and tonic." I knew that meant a Pepsi in Jack-language.

"Sprite."

"Water."

I turned to Alex and he didn't answer. "He'll have a water too." Jack answered for him.

"I'll be back." I said hastily before making a bee line for the kitchen. I leaned on a counter to catch my breath.

"What's wrong babe?" Josh asked, setting down his cloth from cleaning up the last meal.

I couldn't keep it together anymore. My eyes started to water. "He's here."

Josh walked over to me and held my face in his hands, stroking my hair. "Who's here?"

"Alex." I stammered.

His jaw clenched. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" he asked, concerned.

I shook my head. "He didn't know I worked here. They're in town because he is in a band and they're playing a show tonight." I explained, taking a deep breath. The scent of sea food filled my nostrils and I felt my stomach churn. I clamped a hand over my mouth and raced for the bathroom.

Josh was right behind me, holding my hair as I threw up. When I finished, he flushed the toilet for me as I brushed my teeth. I thought it was a good idea since I seemed to be getting sick even in the afternoon. "It was the fish." I explained.

"I'll make sure to warn you when you come in." He said with a sympathetic look. "I think you should tell him." he said out of the blue.

"What?" I spat.

"He's here right now, all you have to do is pull him aside and let him know. There must be a reason for him being here." he said softly, stroking my hair.

"I guess you're right." I sighed.

"I am right." He touched my nose with his index finger. I smiled and pushed his hand away. "Now go give those boys their drinks."

I stuck my tongue out at him before filling the glasses and carrying them out to their table. "Are you ready to order?" I asked, putting on another partially fake smile. I wrote down Alex's order without even making eye contact with him. It made me too nervous.

After I managed to serve them their orders and make small talk with Jack and the rest of their friends. Still ignoring Alex. I knew I was being a bitch by doing so, but he didn't even deserve a glance in his direction. I gave them their bill and gave Jack a big hug as they paid and got up from their table.

I breathed a sigh of relief, glad I had made it through. I brushed my hair out of my face and went to the register to put the cash in. "Hayley?" I heard his voice ask.

I clenched my teeth together and reluctantly looked up directly at him. "Alex." I said his name simply, without emotion. Then, I saw the dark circles underneath his eyes. It looked like he hadn't slept in months. Why did I still have sympathy for him?

"Can we talk? Please?" he asked softly, leaving behind his confident persona around his friends. He sounded like he used to when he would be around me. Great. I was softening up to him again.

I nodded and motioned him to follow me to an empty booth. I sat down and he slid over by me, but kept himself at a distance which made me feel a little better. "So talk."

"I'm sorry. For everything. When you found me in that apartment, you got the wrong idea. I wasn't doing drugs. I was selling them. I still have no excuse for being drunk." he started to explain.

I crossed my arms. "Mhm."

"You have to believe me that I didn't want to hurt you in any way. If I could go back and change everything I would. I was so stupid, and I was afraid...."

That got my blood to boil. It was mostly due to the pregnancy hormones. "You were afraid?" I scoffed. "I was scared silly! You should have talked to me instead of turning to alcohol." I hissed.

He looked down in shame as he fiddled with his hoodie. "I know that now. All I can say is that I'm sorry and I hope you forgive me."

"I can accept the apology but I can't forgive you." I breathed, brushing my bangs out of my face.

"I miss you. So much." He said almost in a whisper. I just stared at him, not wanting those feelings for him to resurface. "I want you to come to our show tonight in Nashville." he said, moving his hand to cover mine. I moved my hand away. "I'm sure it would make Jack really happy." He added, hoping to persuade me.

I shook my head. I felt tears starting to come to my eyes again. There was no way out now, I had to tell him. "I can't go to the show." i said almost inaudiably.

He stared at me with a disappointed expression. "Okay." he whispered, defeated.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I can't come because I'm pregnant." I managed to utter past my quivering lips. A tear escaped my eye and slid down my cheek.

I watched as his face changed from pink, to pale, to practically white. "Y-you're--" he sputtered.

"I'm 10 weeks along. The baby is yours, Alex."

Here is the next update! The people who i've picked from the casting call will appear in chapter 21 or 22.

Hayley

I clutched my stomach subconsciously as we got into Josh's car, the feeling hadn't really set in yet. Though, I did feel stupid for not noticing the signs before.

"I have the list of all the vitamins Dr.Scott said you needed to take. Do you feel well enough to work later this afternoon?" He asked, starting the car.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's not like I'm crippled or something." I joked. "But what am I going to say to my grandmother? 'Hi I'm your granddaughter you haven't seen in 10 years and I'm pregnant with my ex-boyfriends child' ?" I scoffed.

"No..." he said bluntly.

I turned my head to stare at him. "Then what am I going to say?"

"You'll say that the baby is mine, and that we are living together." he said calmly.

"No Josh, no. I can't let you do that! How will your parents react?" I started to get a little louder. Stupid pregnancy hormones.

"They'll be disappointed in me, but they can't be that upset! they like you a lot, Hayles."

I needed to stand my ground. I wasn't going to ket him claim responsibility for my mistake. I had to do it myself. "Take me to the restaurant." I told him sternly.

"Why?" He asked, but still stopped and made a U-turn.

"I need to work more often to actually make money to support this baby. Besides, your Dad is my employer, he has to know whats going on."

"So you're keeping it?" he said in a hopeful tone.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, i think so. I just don't want to regret it if I choose to give it up for adoption." I said quietly.

"We'll I'm glad." He said with a small smile.

"You're what?" Mr.Farro said in shock.

Josh held me close to his side. "She's pregnant, Dad. She thought she would need to let you know because you are her employer." he explained for me.

Mr.Farro's blank glance went from josh, to me, then back at Josh. He let out a breath and rubbed his eyes. "Josh, I thought your mom and I taught you better about those things, I-I just don't know what to say other than I'm disappointed." he sighed.

"Uh, Mr.Farro, the baby isn't his." I blurted. Josh didn't deserve this. "I left the father of my child and met your son before I knew I was pregnant." I explained, my cheeks flushed instinctively.

"Well, don't you think you should let him know?" Mr.Farro questioned, it looked like this situation was hard for any of us to follow.

"It wasn't a good relationship. It ended badly." Josh muttered, holding my closer knowing I didn't like to hear or talk about it.

That seemed to calm him down a little. "Oh. I'm sorry then Hayley. Just make sure to let me or Josh know if you have to leave work early if you have issues with the pregnancy."

"Thanks Mr.Farro." I mumbled before I went to go grab an apron. I heard him mutter something to Josh but I couldn't make it out. I didn't care enough about it to raise suspicions.

*2 weeks later*

Alex

"Dude, wake up. We're almost here." Jack shook me awake. I opened my eyes and tried to stretch. Being in this cramped van did have its downsides. Then again, I didn't know if there was any upsides to a van full of 10 people with a trailer attached with all our equipment.

"We're where?" I mumbled, still half asleep. My neck hurt from sleeping sitting up.

" We're going to Nashville! First stop on the tour! duh!" Jack hit me upside the head and Zack and the crew laughed.

"You didn't have to hit me asshole!" I laughed, smacking him upside the head.

"Oh shit." I heard our driver exclaim.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as he slowed down.

"The check engine light just turned on. There is a repair shop up ahead, so it looks like we have a complication to our destination." We pulled up to the repair stop and I fought to get out of the van to stretch my legs.

"Where are we?" I asked, looking around to what seemed like a small town.

"Uh let me see." Rian muttered, pulling out his phone. "My gps says we're in Franklin."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Anyone up for walking around town?" I suggested.

"Sure. I'm game." Rian agreed, putting on his coat.

"I'll go, but we better find some grub! maybe some women too." Jack exclaimed as we started walking down the street.

I rolled my eyes as Zack and Rian laughed, not yet sick of Jack's so called charm. There was quite a lot of hair salons and diners around here. Maybe it was because we were in the south.  "Anybody in the mood for italian?" I suggested, pointing to a sign for an italian restaurant.

"sounds good to me!" Jack yelled, racing to the door and swinging it open. I regretted letting him drink all of those red bulls.

"please wait to be seated." Jack read slowly.

"wow! good job Jack! you can read!" Rian patted him on the back. I decided that I liked Rian a little bit more now.

A tall dark haired woman led us to a table and gave us our menus."You're waitress will be here shortly." She told us before she walked back to her podium.

"Man, break me off a piece of that ass!" Jack whispered I elbowed him in the ribs. He laughed and we all looked at the menus. The chicken carbonara looked pretty good.

"Hi, welcome to Farro Italia, what can I get started for you gentleman?" I heard a familar voice ask.

My heart rate started to speed up when Jack nudged me. I looked up and met the all too familiar pair of eyes that mirrored my shocked expression. She still made my heart swell when I saw her. "Well hi there Hayley!" Jack chirped.

Sorry it didn't get posted on Wednesday! or Thursday, or Friday or Saturday. Anyways, the point is here is the next chapter. its pretty much a filler. haha

It felt good to be jumping around on a stage again decked out in my old neon clothes and crazy eye makeup. I wasn't even that disgusted with the sweat covering every part of my body under the hot Arizona heat. It was nice to perform to a crowd of people who came here to listen and enjoy music. Our music. I kept as much distance as I could away from Josh. He still believed that we were still together, and we were just "taking a break". The guys didn't question the situation. I just acted as if things were normal, well what normal was orginally the first time. This whole time traveling thing still seemed strange to me. I missed my girls terribly. "All right Phoenix, I need you to sing as loud as you can for this song," I said with a smile as everyone cheered. "this song is called Brick--I mean Born For This." I corrected myself as the guys shot me weird looks. I forgot we haven't written that record yet.

After two more songs, our set was over and I got off the stage in search of nourishment with Jeremy. "So Sarah is going to fly and meet us in Portland next week!" Jeremy said excitedly, fixing his headband.

"Sarah?" I asked questioningly.

He gave me a strange look. "Uh, my girlfriend and one of your best friends?"

I keep forgetting this whole time travel thing. I remembered how upset Jeremy was when they broke up. So if its July now, that meant they wouldn't be together anymore after halloween. "Oh. Sorry, I'm just not all there today."

"You haven't been all there for awhile now. What's going on?" he asked in a brotherly sort of tone. "Is it your break up?" he asked again, making assumptions.

I shook my head. "I honestly don't know. You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Our conversation was interrupted when I wasn't watching where I was going and I ran into what seemed to be a very tall guy with a lot of tattoos. He turned around to see what just hit him. "Sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going." I flushed red from embarrassment.

He chuckled lightly. "It's no big deal. What's up Jeremy?" He asked greeting Jeremy with a fist pound.

"Hayley, this is Chad, he plays guitar for New Found Glory."

"Oh! I didn't recognize you, I love your guys' music." I said happily, remembering when I would dance around the bus with Aaron singing along to Hit or Miss.

He smiled widely. "Thanks. You've got some pipes too." He laughed. "I'm sure you guys are really going to make it big." he complimented. "Are you two in search of some food?"

"Yeah. Know of anything good?" Jeremy asked.

Chad nodded. "Yeah, I think I spotted a taco truck somewhere."

"Awesome! I love tacos!" Jeremy exclaimed as I followed them to the truck.

"Agh, Jer!" Zac exclaimed as we all covered our noses and mouths for the twentieth time. This was one of the only things I didn't miss from being in Paramore. Jeremy's fart episodes after he eats any kind of mexican food.

"I can't help it!" Jeremy laughed, rolling on the couch. "It was the tacos!! They were so good! I had to have more..." He wailed.

"How many did you have?" Taylor asked, his voice muffled by his hand.

"6." I answered for him. Everyone groaned in response. "Well I've had enough of this. I'm getting to bed." I said, getting up and climbing into my bunk. "Night." I yelled before closing my curtain.

I woke up to someone nudging me lightly. It was still pitch black. "Who's there?" I asked, unable to see anything.

"Josh." I heard him whisper. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay." I whispered, not expecting him to climb into my bunk.

He rolled over right next to me, I felt his warm breath blow into my face. "You can't keep avoiding me, Hayley." he whispered softly. He said that before I passed out at the awards. But this time, he wasn't saying it out of anger, he was saying it out of hurt.

"I know." I breathed, not knowing what else to say.

"I miss you." he said even softer. I have never heard him be this vulnerable. I felt him take my hand and absentmindely play with my fingers.

"I know." I sighed again, trying to hold my ground. I had to stick to this.

"You know i still love you." he whispered again, I could feel his stare even in the dark. I wanted to believe it. I really did. I knew that he must mean it now, but soon, it will all be a lie. Soon, I'll be the one begging for him to stay with me, even though he had cheated on me.

"Josh, please. We have to work this out somehow." I pleaded, wrapping my arms around me tightly shivering from the drafty air of our penthouse. The girls were still asleep thankfully.

He shook his head as he grabbed the last article of clothing out of our closet and into his suitcase. "I don't think we can work this out." he said quietly, not even bothering to look up at me.

I grasped the locket around my neck that he had given me for my 20th birthday. "Yes we can. We can go to marriage counseling do more things together as a family, something!" I begged, my voice started to crack.

His eyebrows furrowed as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. "No, Hayley. It's over. I-I've met someone else."

That made me stop in my tracks. "It's Megan isn't it?" I said in a whisper, rhetorically. He didn't answer. "Did you sleep with her?" His eyes wavered towards me for a moment and back to the ground. He nodded once. I slumped onto the chair. "What did I do wrong?..." My lips quivered, my chest feeling tight.

"Nothing. We just got married to young. We're not the same people we were when we were young." He shrugged.

"I still am! You are the one who changed Josh!" I spat a little louder than I intended. "I still haven't given up on us! What  about Gwen a-and Allison? Allison worships the ground you walk on Josh, you are her everything, and you are just going to abandon her? abandon me?..." I said, my voice started to break into a sob.

"I can't keep pretending anymore Hayley. This is not what I want anymore. I-I don't want you anymore."

Those words were like daggers to my heart. "Don't...I, I need you, Josh. Please," I begged for one last time. "I love you."

He grabbed his bags and went to the door. "Goodbye, Hayley." he whispered, going out the door without looking back.

Even after that, I still loved him, and now he was the mirror image of how vulnerable I was that night, and how much I wanted him to stay and be with me. "I still love you, Josh." I whispered before he captured my lips into a tender kiss, his familiar arms wormed their way around my back. It felt normal to curl my fingers into his hair, enjoying the sensation of his warm lips contrasted with his cool lip ring moving with mine, as his lips moved up to kiss my eyelids, down my cheeks, underneath my jaw. His cold hands moved to the hem of my shirt and started to slide underneath, touching my warm skin, chills ran down my spine. His lips locked with mine again in more of a heated  fashion, his tongue slid past my lips.  I needed him, but I couldn't give in completely. I finally was able to move my hands to his chest and push him away gently, his lips dettached from mine. "Too fast." I whispered, as we tried to catch our breath.

"Sorry." I heard him whisper. "I got carried away."

I nodded. "Yeah, I think I did too." I breathed. "But this, doesn't change anything." I said, meaning our heated kiss.

He chuckled lightly. "I figured." he said as he started to slide out of my bunk. "Doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying." he said before disappearing into his own bunk.

So I said I was going to update Faithfully today, but that didn't work out. So MOST LIKELY it will be posted friday night.  Lots of things happen in this chapter, so enjoy!

A few days later....

Alex

The two guys that tried out for our band seemed to be perfect. Rian, the drummer, and Zack, the overly-buffed up bass player seemed like pretty cool guys. Today, was going to be the third day of practice, and things ran smoothly...so far.

Jack had rented a rehearsal space and I was sitting on the only couch, strumming a melody that has been stuck in my head.

"Hey Al," Rian said as he walked in with Zack and Jack.

"Hey." I said, setting the guitar down.

"So you'll never believe what Rian just told me." Jack began, with a wide grin spread across his face.

"That your actually not that bad of a guitar player?" I asked with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes. "No. But guess which band got a spot as the opening act for Cute Is What We Aim For?"

"Seriously? We are the opening act?" I yelled excitedly, getting up from the couch.

Rian nodded. "I managed to pull a few strings and we are their opening act for their winter tour."

We all gave each other pats on the back and high fives. I couldn't believe this was finally happening. "So when does the tour start?"

"On the 14th, We meet them in West Virginia and  first official show is in Nashville."

Jack and I exchanged looks as I smiled widely at myself. This was going to be my second chance, to win her back.

Hayley

After the dinner date with Josh, I started to feel sick again. As much as I protested, not wanting to get him sick, he had me curled up in a ball against him and we watched old black and white re-runs of I Love Lucy on the couch. But once it was morning, I felt my stomach churn again and I raced to the bathroom. Its happened every morning for 4 days now. As I flushed the toilet and opened the bathroom door, Josh looked at me with his arms crossed, and a sympathetic expression. "Thats it. I'm taking you to the doctor." He told me, with my coat in hand. I nodded and grabbed my shoes as he helped me out the door.

"Well, I just got your results back from all your tests, and everything seems normal. You tested false for the flu as well."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "What about the nausea?" I writhed my hands as Josh rubbed my arm soothingly.

He glanced at his clipboard and looked up at me above his glasses. "It should subside midway through your second trimester." Josh and I exchanged looks before turning to the doctor again. "Congradulations on your pregnancy." he added with a small, awkward smile.

At the moment I swore I choked on air. I closed my eyes. "How far along am I?" I asked, my eyes still closed, staying quiet.

"Just about 8 weeks."

I tried to think back to where I actually had sex. Then I remembered Alex, but that was one time and we used protection...I think. That was just about 2 months ago...8 weeks... I turned to meet Josh's confused expression, tears started to form in my eyes. "Alex..." Was all that I managed to utter.

The doctor took it as a hint to leave the room. "I'll be back in a minute. I'll uh, talk to the nurse about your prenatal care plan, if you choose to keep it." he said as he closed the door.

I put my face into my hands, trying to hide my tears. "I'm so sorry." I sobbed.

"Why?" I heard the shock in his voice.

"You must think I'm such a slut, getting knocked up by her ex boyfriend." I sniffed, crying harder.

He pulled my hands away from my face and turned my face to his. His eyes were like liquid chocolate. "No. I don't think that at all. Everyone makes mistakes. That is what makes us human. I know it must be too soon to say it, and in the worst possible situation, but I'm falling for you hard, Hayley. Just don't let your baby pay for that mistake." He pleaded, holding my face in his hands.

"I can't do this. I'm only 19." I muttered as he wiped the tears off of my cheeks. "Besides, I don't know a thing about good parenting."

"You turned out okay." He joked, lightening the situation. "I'll help you raise this baby." He said with sincerety.

I shook my head. "No, I can't let you Josh. It doesn't feel right to have you do this for me. I don't deserve it. I dont want to have to force you to help me raise it."

  He moved his hands from my face silently to hold my hands in his, never breaking our gaze. "I want to."

I was inspired to write this when I was listening to Fix You by Coldplay. This is one of my darker oneshots, hope you like it!

The streets were filled with empty silence.

The sky was filled with black, angry, distorted clouds, thundering loudly.

It started to rain.

He stood on his old wooden porch, his fists clenched tight looking out into nothing.

Things didn't used to be this bad. He remembered the days when he smiled without having to fake it. He didn't hesitate to talk to her, hold her, or make her smile. But when he saw her, crumpled in the street with her back against his car, it seemed that all that blissful thoughts were sucked right out of his head; making him feel numb. She didn't even notice when he sat down next to her; the rain had soaked the street and crept up through his pants. It felt like ice against his skin.

She too looked like she was staring out into the nothingness, with empty look on her face he had become accustomed to. But he could see how red her eyes were, and how her tears were cleverly hidden in the now falling rain. Her blond hair, that had grown out to show her natural roots clung to her face limply, she didn't even bother putting her hood on her head.

She had another one of her episodes, the became a weekly thing these days. She would try to run out and hide from him, from everything that had given her happiness, everything that reminded her of her. and every time she would run, he would find her, and try to make it better.

He looked down and saw her hands folded on her lamp, the blood mixing with the rainwater. He reached over to examine her hand, and held it lightly in his. She ripped it out of his hand instinctively. "I tried to break it. " She said with a half-hearted laugh, although she didn't sound all that amused. He had seen the shattered fragments of what was left of her mirror in the guest bedroom. "I took my fist to it, stupidly, like I was fucking Chuck Norris or something." Another laugh. He didn't think it was funny.

"Why did you break it?" He asked quietly.

"I didn't want to see her anymore." She said simply, without even throwing a glance his way. "I didn't to see her horrible face looking back at me. The face of a murderer." Her lip quivered.

"Hayley, it was never your fault."

She snapped her head towards him, anger filled her eyes, mixed with desperation. "Yes it was Josh! You know it was. I know you blame me for Hannah's death." she cried, the rain was sinking and twisting into her hair.

"Don't ever say that again Hayley! You know that isn't true." He snapped. That made her quiet. She looked at him with a blank expression, mixtured with confusion and hurt. He reached over to her to put his hands on her shoulders. She winced at his touch. That made him realize how broken she really was, just like the mirror, and now he was left to pick up those pieces Chad had left behind without even a goodbye. Just a note and an empty closet. He was left to pick up the pieces that Chad had broken. He only had to finish the cracks in the mirror, that were scars from the accident.

Josh remembered getting a call from Hayley's mother. She was sobbing on the phone, telling him that Hayley and 2 year old Hannah had been in an accident, and it didn't look to good. He remembered grabbing his keys and driving as fast as he could down there, fighting back the tears, hoping to god that the woman he still loved was alive. Even though she picked Chad over him. He never stopped loving that fiesty redhead. He remembered that even though he never really got along with Chad, he sat with him and helped him when he was told that his daughter was dead, and that Hayley was fighting for her life. She was in a coma for days. He was there when she woke up, asking for her daughter. He was the one to tell her she was gone. He was the one who held her as she sobbed, and said over and over "It was raining too hard."

It had been almost 8 months since that day. Hayley had still not gotten better. She finally looked up at him with a cold expression. "You don't understand what I'm going through, Josh." She said coldly.

That was the final straw. His chest swelled with hurt and anger as he fumed. "Yes I do, Hayley. I was there! through everything." He snapped. She was taken aback by the sudden ferocity of his voice. "I held you as you cried in the hospital. I tried to help and let you stay with me when Chad left you. God knows I've tried to help you, to fix you, and I will keep trying!" He exclaimed, letting out a long sigh. "You have to get your head out of this cloud, you're killing yourself Hayley. You're killing me!"  he sighed, running a hand through his wet hair.

She stood up, and shot him a glare to mask her feelings. "Fuck you, Josh." She stammered, turning her heel and walking towards the street. He could see she was finally giving in to the exhaustion her body had felt as she fumbled for her keys, and gave up slamming her wounded hand against the car window, leaving a trail of blood.

When the rain started to pour, so did her tears, for she collapsed into the side of her car like a wounded animal, her head pressing between her legs in some attempt to hide how vulnerable she had became. He walked over to her, and now she tried to shake away those stupid, broken memories that left her, still crunched in that same almost-fetal position against the asphalt. She tried to ignore Josh's stare in her shoulder, and without a word, inched to her feet - to show that she wasn't done for, that there was still a light that was igniting her weary bones.

But his hand shot out and caught her steady, and even as he scrambled to his feet and stood a mere inch from her, she refused to look him in the eye. He had tried to reason with her before, keep telling her that these things just happen, and we can't do much about it. But now, he felt like there was only one thing to do left.

His arms wrapped around her body and pulled her fragile, tiny frame against his And she finally met him in the eye, unwaveringly, and he took it as incentive; he leaned forward slowly, giving her any chance to say no, he pressed his lips to hers, curling himself around her in such a way that she could do nothing but respond. Hayley molded herself into him, almost desperately lacing her fingers in his hair in such a way that he was afraid to let go of her, as if she would fall apart in his hands. He tried to ignore her tears that appeared again, mixing with the rain, sliding their way between their lips to linger on his tongue. He finally pulled away, and she wearily rested her head on his chest, showing him acceptance of what he was trying to do.

Maybe finally, this way, he was going to fix her.

Alright kiddos. You know the drill. I need two girls for the next chapter of "Infinite" and you won't find out who i pick until i post the chapter!

So start applying away! haha

-Paija

Here is ch 17finally! I think I'm through most of the writers block...hopefully. haha

Alex

"Alex get the fuck up." Jack growled, opening my curtains.

"What?" I groaned, sheilding the burst of light from my eyes.

"I have two guys wanting to auditon for the band. You at least have to get out of bed and shave." He bent down and sniffed me, htne backing away in disgust. "a shower would be nice too" he said, scrunching his nose.

"I don't want to play music anymore." I muttered into my pillow, trying to avoid him the best I could.

"Bullshit!" Jack scoffed. "Fine, just keep wallowing over Hayley." he hissed, giving up and walking towards my bedroom door. He paused and looked back at me with a shrug."Besides, you don't even deserve her. So why don't you get up and make something of yourself and win her back." he suggested before walking downstairs.

Maybe his advice wasn't bad afterall. I got up slowly from my bed and looked out my window, seeing the sunrise for the first time in weeks. I was going to do whatever it takes to get her back.

Hayley

"Hayley." A voice called. "Haaaayyyyllleeeey." It called again. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. I knew it was early and Josh wasn't going to get me up too easily.

"Hayley if you don't wake up I swear I'll sing it." I heard him warn. I continued to ignore him and buried my face into the pillow. I heard him laugh quietly. "Alright, I warned you." he said, taking in a deep breath. "Haaaaapy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday dear--"

"Alright I'm up!" I whined, cutting him off and turning over to look at him and gawked at the blueberry muffin with a candle on it. "You said you wouldn't make a big deal out of it." I whined again.

He rolled his eyes. "Just blow out the candle and be happy I didn't make you wear a party hat."

I obeyed and blew it out with one breath."Happy now?" I asked rhetorically.

"Yep." He answered anyways with a smirk. "Here's your breakfast." he said handing me the muffin. "and I'm taking you out tonight, not for your birthday, but on a date."

"fiine." I replied, realizing I wasn't on the couch. We must've fallen asleep watching movies. I was already getting used to the whole waitressing thing. I had made over 40 dollars in tips yesterday. Just as he leaned in to kiss me lightly, I felt my stomach churn and I clamped a hand over my mouth as I scrambled towards the bathroom. I heard Josh follow me and he then heldmy hair and rubbed my back soothingly as I got sick. I flushed the toilet and staggered a little as I got up to brush my teeth.

"Do you want to take the day off? It looks like you have the stomach flu." He said with a sympathetic smile. But as soon as the nausea came, it passed and I was feeling better already.

I shook my head. "No, I think I'm ok now. It must've been the fish I ate last night." I said walking out of the bathroom.

"You sure?" He asked, concerned.

I nodded. "I'm going to go get dressed."

After dealing with customers for 8 straight hours, I finally took a seat on the barstool and let out a breath, feeling very winded and tired. I haven't had energy in days. Josh came over and leaned against the counter. "Ready to get out of here?" he asked with a smirk.

"YES." I said, letting out a breath. He laughed as he took off his apron and we clocked out. "So, where are you taking me?" I asked curiously as we got into his car.

He smiled at me. "It's a surprise."

I held out my hand for Alex to hold as we walked to his car. He laced his fingers with mine. "so where are we going?" I asked curiously, hoping to pester him enough to slip up and tell me what the surprise was.

"It's a surprise" he scolded. "I know what you're up to missy," he narrowed his eyes and touched my nose with his index finger.

I smiled sheepishly. "well I can't help it!" I whined, hiding my face in his chest. "can we go now pleeaaasseeee?" I begged. He chucked and kissed my hair lightly. "Let's get out of here."

20 minutes later, we arrived at a semi-vacant and the sun iwas starting to set. "We have to walk a bit, hope you don't mind." He told me as he opened my door for me and reached for my hand.

I took it gladly."I don't mind." I said, smiling at him. I started to focus more on the ground as we walked, smiling sheepishly and hiding my face when I tried to sneak a glance at his face and his gaze met mine. He laughed lightly and let go of my hand briefly to curl his arm around my waist.

He stopped suddenly. "wait, I forgot something." he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bandana. "I said it was supposed to be a surprise, right?" he smirked. I scowled.

"Why do I have to wear a blindfold? I can close my eyes and not peak...much." I admitted under my breath. He laughed and walked behind me and placed the bandana over my eyes. "Not too tight" I reminded him. I felt him curls his arm around my waist again as he guided me to wherever the hell we were going. After a few minutes, I started to hear a lot more commotion than usual on the New York City Streets. It grew louder as we got closer until i could hear the faint sound of guitars and drum beats. He was taking me to a concert! I grinned wildly, still not able to see my surroundings. "Can I look now?!" I asked eagerly.

He squeezed my hand. "Go ahead." I could hear the smile in his voice. I pulled the bandana off of my eyes and waited a minute for my eyes to adjust. I was right, we were right in front of a concert hall. I looked up at the sign to see who was playing and my mouth fell open slightly.

"We're seeing Jimmy Eat World?!" I squealed excitedly. He only gave me another one of his crazy grins. I stretched onto my toes and threw my arms around his neck and kissed him happily.

I snapped out of my memory when Josh said my name, turning his keys out of the ignition. "You've been quiet." He teased, walking around the car to open the door for me. We were in front of a tall building and like a gentleman, Josh held out his arm to escort me inside what looked like to be a quiet, fancy restaurant.

"A french restaurant?" I questioned suspiciously.

"What? You're not fond of fine dining?" He said in a mock poised accent.

I laughed and smacked his chest lightly. Thank goodness we were semi-formally dressed from work. The host looked us up and down with a slight grimace. "Name?"

"Farro." Josh answered, unmoved by the mans obvious distaste for us.

The waiter looked at his list and nodded once, grabbing two menus. "This way." He told us, sticking his head up slightly as he glided into the room. Josh and I exchanged smirks as we followed him obediently. He seated us at a table in the back lit by candle light. "Let me know when you are ready to order." He said before gliding away.

"Did you see how he walks? Its insane." I laughed, opening up the menu.

He laughed and opened up his. "I can barely see in here. Ambiance is overrated." He muttered with a small smile. "Then again, you can barely read the menu. French is confusing."

"Let's just pick something off the menu and hope for the best." I laughed, trying to understand the menu.

Josh waved over the waiter and he came gliding back "Have you made your decision?" he asked in another poised twang.

"I'll have the cervelle de vache frits and she'll have the Cuisses de grenouilles marinées."

"Excellent choice Monsieur and Madamoiselle. I'll be back shortly with your plates."

"Do you have any idea what we just ordered?" I asked him, leaning closer with a smile.

He leaned closer to me as well. "Not a clue."

A half an hour later the waiter came back with our orders and places them both in front of us. "For you, Monsieur-" he lifted off the lid. "Fried cows brains. and for you Madamoiselle," he said, now taking my lid off. "Pickled frogs legs."

My mouth literally fell open and I snapped it back shut to attempt a smile and say thank you before he glided away. Josh started to burst out laughing as I looked at my plate wide eyed. Sure enough, there were at least 6 legs on my plate. My stomach churned a little. "It's not that funny Mr.fried cows brains!" I snappped.

He kept laughing until he was red in the face and his eyes were watery. Once he composed himself he cleared his throat. "Well, apparently they are 'excellent choices'  So we can at least attempt to try it." He suggested.

I complied and stabbed my fork into a leg and he cut into his brain. We took a bite at the same time and I watched his face twist into disgust as he chewed and swallowed bravely. I spat mine into my napkin gracefully.

Once Josh could talk again, he looked at me with a smile. "Taco bell?" I suggested.

He laughed and nodded wiping his mouth with a napkin. Then he raised his hand to call the waiter. "Check please."

WOW. Thank you for all the supportive comments! It makes writing chapters a whole lot easier.

"Hayley...." I heard a voice call my name.

"Spongebob."

"I bet she's faking."

The voices sounded so familiar, my head was pounding. My eyelids flooded open to a different lightly. It took a minute for my vision to adjust. Zac, Taylor, Jeremy, and Josh were all standing around me with smiling faces. Was I in the hospital? That was when I noticed the clothes they were wearing...neon and skinny jeans. Jeremy's hair was long, and Zac was wearing a red headband, Josh had the blond back in his hair. "What happened?" I groaned, attempting to sit up.

"You passed out onstage from the heat. They gave us the day off today." Josh explained kissing my forehead. I cringed lightly from his touch. What was going on? I was on the couch in a tour bus, wearing my bright yellow skinny jeans that I wore for the awards, that I also wore from the Paramore days. Then I noticed the sign posted on the cabinets. "Warped Tour 2008" What the heck was going on??

Their smiling faces faded as they saw my confused expression. "You don't remember anything do you?" Josh asked sympathetically pulling me into his arms. I was in shock and hated that my body already started to melt in his arms. If this was really 2008, and I had travelled 18 years in the past, what did that mean now? That I had a second chance to change my future? Maybe even prevent the heartache from Josh's affair?

I just shook my head, without saying a word. He held me tighter as Zac looked awkwardly at the ceiling. "Well, me and Tay are going to go watch Cobra perform, catch you guys later." He said as he left the bus, followed by Taylor and Jeremy, leaving Josh and I alone in the bus.

"Look Hayles, I'm sorry for the fight we had yesterday. I know how you get when you are upset and that's probably why it's my fault you passed out..." he said, playing with my fingers. "I know we both agreed to spend time apart after this tour, but I don't want to. I love you, Hayles." He said sincerely, locking his eyes with mine.

I wanted to believe him. I really did. The look he was giving me now was the same look he used to give me to tell me that everything would be ok; that we would be okay; in one simple glance. It felt so good to be in his arms again. But it only added to the pain I felt from him leaving me for Megan, the 19 year old daughter of one of his clients from the label. "Maybe we should spend some time apart now." It slipped past my lips before I realized I had even said it.

He pulled away slightly with a mixed expression of hurt and confusion. "What?" he practically whispered, his eyes were a liquid brown.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wanted to take it back, he looked so hurt. He looked like he really loved me. Maybe I should just apologize and just kiss him. No, Hayley. You have to remember the future Josh. Bitter Josh. The one who left you and your girls. I straightened my posture and took in a breath. "Yeah. I just think it would be best." I said with no emotion in my voice. "I'm going to find something to eat from catering." I said, getting up leaving him alone and speechless on the bus.

For some reason, I felt like I could actually breathe in deeply for the first time in awhile. The sun was right above the mountains, the sky was a beautiful crystal blue. There were hundreds of kids everywhere listening to their favorite bands; and for once they weren't hoarding me for a picture or an autograph. I wasn't that famous yet..and for once, it felt good.

So, I have HUGE writer's block for both let it happen and infinite, and this chapter was already written, so enjoy!

Breathe, Hayley. Just take a deep breath in...and let it out. You have to keep your sanity about this. All you have to do is accept the award, say a little speech, say a few hi/goodbyes and be back on the couch watching old movies with your girls in no time. I

I didn't want to make eye contact with him at all, but will force a glance and a smile if I had to. But he didn't even deserve a smile, so dirty glance it is. I sat in front of the mirror, messing with the newly dyed dark red curls framing my face, and adjusted the locket around my neck. Inside of it were photos of my daughters, Gwen, 17, and Allison, 6. He had given me that locket for my 18th birthday, when we were happy.

If I knew what I know now back then, I would've done a lot of things differently.

"Mom? are you ready?" Gwen asked, leaning against the doorframe. She had finished getting dressed in a navy blue ensemble I picked out for her.  "The babysitters here." 

"Ok." I nodded, getting up from the mirror and smoothing out my dress."I look ridiculous." I muttered, quietly.

She rolled her eyes. "Mom, stop freaking out, you look great."

"I don't feel great." I muttered again, feeling like a child.

Being a 37 year old -soon to be divorced- single mother of two was not what I considered to be worthy of a 'lifetime achievement' award. But then again, I was in a platinum selling rock band.

Gwen rolled her eyes and brushed her long dark brown hair behind her shoulder. "Oh come on Mom, you look hot. He'll regret everything the moment he sees you." she giggled.

I sighed. "Not if he is only looking at that bimbo wannabe gold digger." I hissed underneath my breath.

Gwen sighed and sat on the bed, giving up on making me feel better. The separation effected us all in different ways. Gwen tried to seem hopeful, and his all of her feelings inside, Allison didn't really understand and asked why 'daddy didn't love us anymore', and I was angry, hurt, and shut myself off from the world and kept myself and my girls in a little cocoon, waiting to transform into a new life.

I fixed my hair for the last time and took a deep breath and walked out into the living room of my lavish upscale apartment in New York City, which was another benefit from the success of Paramore and my record label that he and I both started. I was going to avoid even thinking about his name.

Stacy, our next door neighbor's daughter, was a cute, honor roll student with light hair and bright blue eyes. She was always happy to babysit Allison, she adored her. She and Allison were on the floor trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle. Allison was a carbon copy of her dad, except for her hazel eyes that look green in the sunlight. She was too mature for an 6 year old, and -due to the situation with her dad and I- goes to therapy every week.

"Hey Mrs.Farro. Oh, I mean Ms.Williams, sorry. Form of habit"

"It's okay Stac, just call me Hayley from now on." I said with a small smile. "Gwen and I will be home around 1ish. Does that work with you?"

"Yeah. my dad knows I'm staying late so it's all good."

"Oh, ok. My cell number is on the fridge, call if you need anything." I said as Gwen practically pulled me out the door. I didn't want to go at all.

The limo was outside waiting for us, ready to take us to Radio City Music Hall to get the award and celebrate. I'd rather get a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cake Batter with sprinkles and watch Wayne's World.

The minute we got into thebuilding I was whisked away backstage as Gwen gave me a reassuring hug, promising that she would be in the front row and not to freak out. Sometimes, I thought our roles as mother and daughter felt as if they were switched. She was my rock, she helped me through all of this.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I gasped and whirled around to meet a pair of familiar blue eyes covered underneath thick framed glasses and a beanie. "Jeremy!" I gasped in relief, giving him a tight hug.

He chuckled lightly. "Nice to see you too." he said as he pulled away.

"How is Jesse and the kids?" I asked, trying to catch up, I hadn't seen him since last christmas.

"They're fine, Amanda just turned 10. How are your girls?"

I let out a breath. "They're pulling through." I admitted honestly.

He nodded solemnly. He knew everything that had happened, and was as just as disappointed in him as I was. He put his hands on my shoulders. "How are you doing?"

I shrugged, fighting back tears. "The best I can, I put a smile on for my girls. They miss you and Jesse a lot." I told him.

"Well you'll just have to bring em down to Nashville for the holidays, show them your old roots." He joked.

I laughed lightly. "Maybe."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Josh waltz in with bimbo Megan attached to his hip. Jeremy gave me a questioning look as he turned to the direction I was looking. He muttered something underneath his breath. "He's got some nerve..." He hissed.

My heart rate started to pick up as my breathing became uneven. It wasn't enough that he left me for her and all of her fake,zplastic looks; now he was shoving it in my face. Jeremy left as Zac and Taylor walked up giving me hugs and apologetic looks. "Hayley, I didn't know he was going to bring her, I'm so sorry." Zac said quietly.

"Don't be. Its not your fault." I said as Josh was walking over to me. My breath got caught in my throat.

"Hayles," He said, I winced at his old nickname for me. I avoided his glare and shifted closer to Zac and Taylor. "Come on, we need to talk." He begged, blocking me as I tried to walk away.  "You can't ignore me forever."

I looked up at him and shot him a cold glare. "Watch me." I hissed, walking past him as I tried to keep my composure. My stomach was twisted in knots.

The presenter announced us as the producers pushed me towards the stage, my footing was off slightly. The first thing I noticed was how many people were in the audience, standing up and cheering for us. I swallowed and tried to keep my breathing even. I was having a panic attack. I was handed a mike as I took in a shaky breath and tried to see past the lights focused on us. I could feel my forehead getting hot, my vision started to fuzz around the corners. "Wow...I...we" I stammered, as my vision got worse and I ran a shaky hand through my hair. I could feel Josh's glare on me, it only made it worse.

The mike slipped through my fingers as I felt my legs buckle underneath me. Screams filled the air as I fell. The faces of Jeremy, Gwen, and Josh blended with the colored lights, the last thing I heard was Josh and Gwen calling my name as everything went black.

- - - - -

"Hayley...." I heard a voice call my name.

"Spongebob."

"I bet she's faking."

The voices sounded so familiar, my head was pounding. My eyelids flooded open to a different lightly. It took a minute for my vision to adjust. Zac, Taylor, Jeremy, and Josh were all standing around me with smiling faces. Was I in the hospital? That was when I noticed the clothes they were wearing...neon and skinny jeans. Jeremy's hair was long, and Zac was wearing a red headband, Josh had the blond back in his hair. "What happened?" I groaned, attempting to sit up.

"You passed out onstage from the heat. They gave us the day off today." Josh explained kissing my forehead. I cringed lightly from his touch. What was going on?

I was on the couch in a tour bus, wearing my bright yellow skinny jeans that I wore for the awards, that I also wore from the Paramore days. Then I noticed the sign posted on the cabinets. "Warped Tour 2008"

What the heck was going on??

WELL HI THURR!

First of all, I IZ ALIVE, not to worry, I've just been horribly inactive. My only excuse is having a life outside of buzznet and one hell of a week. Thank you to all who wished me a very happy 17th birthday! It was so much fun and I got a new laptop! so all of you need tohelp me figure out a name for this one.

I hope to update something this weekend, since it doesn't look like I'm doing anything this weekend. So, everyone needs to leave notes telling me what everyone is up to! (I actually care :P)

Peace, Love, and pumpkin seeds,

-Paija

This will probably be the only update of the week. But who knows, I might just want to write randomly this week. I'm swamped with homework, I have a tutor trying to help me out, and I have this hug b-day bash this saturday. Can you believe 22 people RSVP'd? anyways, enough with my life, here is the update.

Spending Christmas with the Farro's was definitely an experience I would never forget. I knew now what it's like to spend a christmas with a family that is there for each other no matter what. You know, the kind of things that you would only think to be on television. I was still full from Christmas dinner the night before. Waking up to 6 surprised faces and Josh's arm around me didn't really help me in the 'not being Josh's secret girlfriend' situation.

Today, is my first day on the job, being a waitress/hostess at the Farro's restaurant. I just hoped to god I wouldn't make a fool of myself and wreck everything Josh has done for me. I put on my white blouse, black skirt, black tights and flats and pulled my hair up into a ponytail, figuring it would be the best decision to keep it out of the way.

"Ready to go?" I heard Josh ask from his living room.

"Yeah." I said, letting out a breath as I pulled my arms through the sleeves of my thick winter coat.

He smiled lightly and opened the door for me, bowing dramatically. "After you Madam"

"Why thank you sir." I teased with a small curtsy.

He laughed as we walked down the stairs and into his car. "What's your favorite color?" He asked randomly when I buckled myself in.

"Uh, red."

"Figures." He muttered as we pulled out of the apartment complex. When I gave him a look he pointed to my hair. I laughed, slightly embarrassed. "Favorite food?" He asked, starting the roll of questions again.

"Sushi...or Cheeseburgers."

"Celebrity crush?"

"hmm...Conan O'Brien"

Josh looked away from the road to give me a surprised look. "Really? I would've thought you would like some dude that was actually good-looking." He commented with a sly grin.

"Hey, you asked." I defended myself. "Are you playing 20 questions or something?"

"I just want to get to know you...better. You've seen and heard all of my secrets thanks to my family, I want to know yours. It's only fair." He said with a pouty look in his eyes.

For some reason, I couldn't resist it. "fiiinnnneee" I sighed, giving in.

"So, when was the first time you....dyed your hair?"

I laughed at that question. "Um, 13 maybe? I dyed it a dark brown and I started to go a little crazy after that."

He chuckled. "I can see that, Red." The nickname was too familiar. I felt my stomach twist in a knot. I brushed it off quickly. Any reminder of him I needed to forget. We pulled into the back parking lot and he turned his keys out of the ignition. "When is your birthday?" He asked as we walked up to the door and unlocked it.

"Um, well...tomorrow." I admitted sheepishly.

He stopped and turned his body around to face mine, his eyebrows were raised in surprise. "Your birthday is tomorrow?!"

I squeezed past him to hang up my coat. "Yeah. But its not a big deal. i'm just another year older." I muttered. I looked at his face, he was smug. "I don't want to celebrate it." I told him sternly.

"Whatever you say." He said in a sing song voice. He held my face with his hands and kissed my forehead gently. "Let's get this place up and ready for customers. My dad and Nate will be here in a half an hour." he told me, handing me my apron and nametag.

I let out a breath. I better not mess this up.

Here is a preview of my next story after I finish "Infinite" which I think will end in the next 7-10 chapters. Enjoy!

Breathe, Hayley. Just take a deep breath in...and let it out. You have to keep your sanity about this. All you have to do is accept the award, say a little speech, say a few hi/goodbyes and be back on the couch watching old movies with your girls in no time. I

I didn't want to make eye contact with him at all, but will force a glance and a smile if I had to. But he didn't even deserve a smile, so dirty glance it is. I sat in front of the mirror, messing with the newly dyed dark red curls framing my face, and adjusted the locket around my neck. Inside of it were photos of my daughters, Gwen, 17, and Allison, 6. He had given me that locket for my 18th birthday, when we were happy.

If I knew what I know now back then, I would've done a lot of things differently.

"Mom? are you ready?" Gwen asked, leaning against the doorframe. She had finished getting dressed in a navy blue ensemble I picked out for her.  "The babysitters here." 

"Ok." I nodded, getting up from the mirror and smoothing out my dress."I look ridiculous." I muttered, quietly.

She rolled her eyes. "Mom, stop freaking out, you look great."

"I don't feel great." I muttered again, feeling like a child.

Being a 37 year old -soon to be divorced- single mother of two was not what I considered to be worthy of a 'lifetime achievement' award. But then again, I was in a platinum selling rock band.

Gwen rolled her eyes and brushed her long dark brown hair behind her shoulder. "Oh come on Mom, you look hot. He'll regret everything the moment he sees you." she giggled.

I sighed. "Not if he is only looking at that bimbo wannabe gold digger." I hissed underneath my breath.

Gwen sighed and sat on the bed, giving up on making me feel better. The separation effected us all in different ways. Gwen tried to seem hopeful, and his all of her feelings inside, Allison didn't really understand and asked why 'daddy didn't love us anymore', and I was angry, hurt, and shut myself off from the world and kept myself and my girls in a little cocoon, waiting to transform into a new life.

This chapter is only going to be in Hayley's POV and its more of a filler. Enjoy!

"Is that you Joshua?" I heard a voice ask as we walked into his parent's house.It was quite a large house, but it had that warm, homely feeling. It made you feel safe. This was the kind of house that I dreamed of living in when I was little, instead of being bundled up with as many clothing items that I could find because Mom forgot to pay the heating bill.

"Yeah Mom, I brought a guest." He replied as he took off my coat and put it on the hook next to his. He gave me a reassuring smile when he saw the nervousness in my expression.

"Oh good! Well, come into the kitchen and make yourself useful!" She scolded lightly. He chuckled and shook his head lightly as he lead me into the kitchen. There, who I assumed to be his mother, a short, blonde woman wearing an apron covered in a christmas light- printed apron was rolling out dough for what looked to be a pie. She looked up and smiled, wiping the flour off of her hands onto her apron to give Josh a hug. "Merry Christmas sweetheart" she chirped happily.

"Merry Christmas Mom," he said before pointing to her flour-covered cheek. "You missed a spot"

She gave him a look before wiping her cheek and turning to look at me. "You must our guest. I'm Laura, Joshua's Mom." She said warmly, holding out her hand.

"I'm Hayley." I said with a smile, shaking her hand. She suddenly pulled me into a hug.

I was a little surprised when she pulled away. She giggled. "Oh, I'm sorry! I'm just so happy that Josh is finally bringing over a girl. A very pretty one I might add." She gushed.

I felt my cheeks flush, slightly from embarrassment. "Oh, thank you."

"Mom..." Josh mumbled with a groan.

She put her hands up in defeat. "Alright, alright I get it. Now help me with the potatoes and then you and Hayley can go outside and introduce her to your brothers and sister."

Once the potatoes were cleaned and put in the oven to cook, Josh and I grabbed our coats and he lead me to the backyard, where a dark haired girl in a purple coat was running towards us. "Josssshhh! Help!" She screeched as she crashed right into him, almost knocking him over. "Nate, Zac, and Jon are trying to hit me with snowballs!" She squealed.

"Calm down Is, I've got a plan to get 'em back." He told her with a mischeveous look.

She turned to look at me. "Are you Josh's girlfriend?" She asked appraisingly.

Josh and I exchanged looks as I shook my head with a laugh. "No, I'm one of his friends. My name's Hayley."

She let go of Josh and smoothed out her coat. "I'm Isabel. I'm going to be 10 next month. Are you going to help us get back at my stupid brothers?" She said, with obvious disgust when she said the word 'brothers'.

I laughed and nodded, turning to Josh. "So what's the plan?"

Josh smirked. "Well, I think we need to--"

"Wait!" Isabel cut him off. "We have to huddle together. They could be listening." She warned, grabbing both of our hands and pulled us close so that we were huddled in a circle.

"Ok, so this is what we are going to do..."

- - - - -

"Is? Where are you?" A boy I assumed to be Jon called. He and his other two brothers, both older, were behind him, looking around to see where Isabel might be.

Little did they know, we were behind a mound of snow, snowballs in hand, ready to attack. Isabel bit her lip to keep herself from grinning ear to ear and blowing our cover."We are gonna get em good!" She whispered excitedly. Josh ssshed her and looked over to see where they were.

"Isabel, we are really sorry. Come out and we promise to be nice now." The tallest yelled. He must be Nate.

"Come on Is! It's Christmas! The time for forgiveness!" The other yelled with a goofy grin. He must be Zac.

Soon, they were all standing in the line of fire, it was the perfect time to strike. I grinned and looked over at Josh, who was smiling as well. "Fire in three, two, one...GO!" He yelled as we got up and chucked the snowballs at the three surprised boys.

"Oh it's on now!" Nate yelled as he and the other two scrambled to put together more snowballs. Luckily, we were prepared and had a pile of snowballs ready to be thrown. We started throwing them as fast as we could until they raised their hands up in defeat, covered in snow. "We surrender!"

"Okay guys! Time to come inside and get dried off. Dinner will be ready soon!" Laura called from the porch.

I rolled over onto my back and slowed my breathing, giving both Isabel and Josh a high five. "Nice job team" Josh commented before he helped me up and we went back inside.

"You may have won this time Is, but next time we won't go easy on you." Zac scoffed as he dried his hair with a towel.

Isabel rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. "Whatever helps you sleep at night Zac." She countered, going up the stairs to change out of her damp clothes.

I took off my coat, shivering a little, wishing I would have brought another sweater.

"I have some dry clothes you can borrow upstairs if you want." Josh offered.

I nodded. "That would be great." I said as he led me upstairs into what looked to be his old room.

He rummaged through some drawers and pulled out a blue hoodie and handed it to me. "Here, it's probably a little to big..." I pulled it over my head and the bottom of the hoodie almost reached my knees, the sleeves covered my hands completely. He laughed. "Well, you'll be able to stay warm now." He joked.

I looked around his room and my eyes fell upon a guitar. I walked over and touched it lightly. "Do you play?"

"Since I was 13." He said quietly sitting down on the floor next to me.

"Play something." I handed him the guitar.

He started to strum the melody of a Jimmy Eat World song. I absentmindedly started to sing along. When the song was finished, he set down the guitar silently, staring at my face.

"What?" I asked, feeling myself blush from embarrassment. I had never really sang in front of people before, except for Alex and Jack when I helped them out with their song writing, but I didn't think they counted anymore.

"You have a really pretty voice." He commented.

I averted my eyes and blushed again. "Thank you." I said quietly. "I don't really sing in front of people very much."

"You should." He said simply.

I didn't realize how close we were to each other until the door opened and his mothers face appeared, her eyes narrowed slightly is suspicion. "Dinner is ready you two."

After dinner, it started to snow heavily again, and Mr and Mrs Farro insisted on making us stay the night to be safe. After everyone was in bed and I was curled up by the fire in a bundle of blankets, Josh decided to come down the stairs with a deck of cards in hand."I couldn't sleep and I figured you probably weren't asleep either so we might as well do something time consuming." He said as he took one of my blankets and sat down across from me and started shuffling the cards.

"It was nice of your parents to offer me a job at the restaurant." I said quietly. "You have such a great family."

He smiled softly and sighed. "Yeah, I do. They are always there for me, even though they drive me nuts sometimes." he chuckled as he gave each of us seven cards. It looked like we were going to play go fish.

"I wish I had brothers and sisters...and do you have any three's?"

He shook his head. "Go fish. What is it like to be an only child?" he asked as I grabbed a card from the deck.

"Lonely. My mom was never really around anyways, so it would have been nice to have a sibling." I shrugged. "It's your turn."

"Oh. Have any tens?" I let out a breath and flicked my card to him. He grinned in victory and set down his third pair. "So is that why you moved in with your ex? because your mom was never around?" he assumed.

I nodded, swallowing the tiny lump in my throat. "Yeah. It was great living with him...Have any fours?"

He handed me his card as I put down my first pair. "Then, if you don't mind me asking, what happened that made it so bad living there? and do you have any ones?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Go fish." I said before letting out a breath. "He came home one night drunk and we got into a huge fight, I wanted to apologize and make up but then I found him shooting up drugs with friends. I tore me up to see him like that. I had to get away..."

"Well, I'm glad you did, because if you didn't, I probably wouldn't have met you. Any twos?"

I shoved my card over to him, admitting defeat. There was no way to catch up now. "I'm glad I met you too." I said quietly. "and I surrender." I sighed with a sheepish expression.

When he didn't say anything I looked up at him, he was looking at me in the same way Alex did when we were together. His eyes were the same liquid chocolate as his was, except there was no fear or insecurities behind it. "Would it be bad to say that I want to kiss you right now?"

My breath was hitched in my throat, my heart started to beat wildly. I didn't realize how close he really was to me, how close his lips were to connecting with mine. "No," I breathed, before our lips finally touched, moving together in a soft, warm way as his arm snaked its away around my waist pulling me closer.

Kissing him felt right. He seemed completely 100% genuine. No strings attached. Maybe, he was what I needed to finally forget Alex Gaskarth.

This chapter is only going to be in Hayley's POV and its more of a filler. Enjoy!

"Is that you Joshua?" I heard a voice ask as we walked into his parent's house.It was quite a large house, but it had that warm, homely feeling. It made you feel safe. This was the kind of house that I dreamed of living in when I was little, instead of being bundled up with as many clothing items that I could find because Mom forgot to pay the heating bill.

"Yeah Mom, I brought a guest." He replied as he took off my coat and put it on the hook next to his. He gave me a reassuring smile when he saw the nervousness in my expression.

"Oh good! Well, come into the kitchen and make yourself useful!" She scolded lightly. He chuckled and shook his head lightly as he lead me into the kitchen. There, who I assumed to be his mother, a short, blonde woman wearing an apron covered in a christmas light- printed apron was rolling out dough for what looked to be a pie. She looked up and smiled, wiping the flour off of her hands onto her apron to give Josh a hug. "Merry Christmas sweetheart" she chirped happily.

"Merry Christmas Mom," he said before pointing to her flour-covered cheek. "You missed a spot"

She gave him a look before wiping her cheek and turning to look at me. "You must our guest. I'm Laura, Joshua's Mom." She said warmly, holding out her hand.

"I'm Hayley." I said with a smile, shaking her hand. She suddenly pulled me into a hug.

I was a little surprised when she pulled away. She giggled. "Oh, I'm sorry! I'm just so happy that Josh is finally bringing over a girl. A very pretty one I might add." She gushed.

I felt my cheeks flush, slightly from embarrassment. "Oh, thank you."

"Mom..." Josh mumbled with a groan.

She put her hands up in defeat. "Alright, alright I get it. Now help me with the potatoes and then you and Hayley can go outside and introduce her to your brothers and sister."

Paija

*A few days later*

After the birthday extravaganza, it was nice to finally come back home and get back into the swing of things. Which was, in our family, total chaos.

"Mom! Where is my blue sweater?" Janey yell from her room.

I was downstairs in the kitchen, giving Hadley a glass of orange juice as she practically inhaled her breakfast. She was acting a little strange this morning. I brushed it off and went upstairs to see what Janey was yelling about. "What's wrong Janey?"

"My favorite blue sweater is missing! I want to wear it for the performance today!" She whined as she crossed her arms and slumped down onto her bed.

I let out a breath, remembering when I used to be in the same situation when I was 14. Was it really that long ago? I walked over to her closet and looked through her clothes, picking out a white sweater with thick black horizontal stripes. "I think this will look cute." I said, hoping that would get her out of her mood. "I'll help you with your eyeliner too if you want"

Janey got up and looked at it, touching the sweater and holding it up against her before she nodded in approval and satisfaction. "Could you do the cat eye like you and Aunt Hayley used to do?" she said with a small smile.

"Of course babe." I said softly. My heart swelled and I smiled, giving her a hug. This was going to be near the top my list of 'mother daughter moments' with Janey. I remembered when I first held her tiny little body in one arm and Zack in the other, promising them as they slept that I would be the best mother I could be and I would never ever turn into my mother, who I still hadn't really had a conversation with since I was pregnant with the twins. When Janey was diagnosed with cancer, I talked on the phone with her briefly and she sent Janey a bear and flowers. I was still angry to this day that she didn't come to the hospital and supported both of us. Then again, I wasn't the best daughter to her either.

I finished doing Janey's make-up, and made it look appropriate for her age by just doing the liquid eyeliner, mascara, and some clear lip gloss.

"T-minus 5 minutes before the Farro-mobile leaves, leaving any stragglers to take the smelly bus!" I heard Zac yell from downstairs.

Janey gave me a look. "Tell me why you married him again?"

I rolled my eyes. "Your dad is still 17 at heart. Give him a break." I said, defending him as we walked out of her room. "and not to mention he was a pretty sexy drummer when I first met him." I said with a smirk as we went down the stairs.

"Are you telling her how much of a sexy drummer I am?" Zac asked, raising his eyebrow suggestively.

I heard Zack gag as he came down the stairs. "Can we please not start that so early in the morning?" He whined, grabbing his backpack.

Zac and I laughed as I kissed him goodbye as he and the twins went out the door. Hadley trailed behind, wearing an awfully thick jacket for the beginning of april. It was open at the top and I saw a little bit of a familiar blue fabric. "Bye Mommy!" She hurriedly.

"Hold it kiddo." I said, as she froze and turned around, looking at me with a guilty expression. I motioned for her to walk over to me and I unzipped her coat. Underneath the thick coat was the exact sweater that Janey was freaking out about, obviously too big for her even with the sleeves rolled up. "Upstairs and change out of your sister's sweater, I'll take you to school when your finished." I scolded as her shoulders dropped in defeat as she mumbled underneath her breath, taking her own sweet time going up the stairs. For an 8 year old, she definitely kept me on my toes.

- - -

Once I had dropped Hadley off at her elementary school, I took off my coat and went into the kitchen to make some of my favorite chai tea. It was nice to have mornings to myself with all of the kids in school, but I couldn't help but miss spending the day with my kids as they grew and learned new things.

I still remembered when we took Hadley out trick or treating for the first time. She had just turned two the day before and was dressed up as a ballerina and when Zac took her to the door, she would say "Happy Birthday" instead of "Trick or Treat" because she got her birthday and halloween mixed up.

After I was finished with my tea, I went upstairs to our master bathroom to take a hot shower. Then hopefully afterwards I would go over to Hayley's and spend the day with her planning the annual Farro camping trip we would we taking next month when it started to get warmer and the new hunting season would begin.

I heard the door open and some footsteps come into the bathroom. A few minutes later, Zac jumped in and grabbed the shampoo out of my hand, kissing me on the cheek. "Couldn't you wait till I was finished?" I teased, grabbing the soap and a washcloth.

"This is more fun." He countered, scrubbing the shampoo into his hair, obviously checking me out. I gave him a look and smacked him with the cloth. "Hey, it's not anything I haven't seen before." he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

I smacked him again and he laughed, pulling me close to kiss me softly on the lips. Our kiss lasted longer than I expected, but I wasn't complaining. It still felt like we were still a bunch of kids. Maybe it was because we never really lived a normal life of a suburban upper middle-class family. We were still living well off of his share of the Paramore fortune, living comfortably in our huge house.

Once we both got out and got ready, I laid down on the bed, relaxed. Zac joined me and I curled up close to him. "So Josh and I are thinking about starting a label."

That comment caught me off guard. I moved away slightly to look him in the eye. "I thought you wanted to do another tour this summer." I said, confused.

He seemed like he was really serious about it. "I know, but we aren't getting any younger and music isn't the same as it was when we were young. Maybe no one likes Paramore anymore."

I gave him a look of disapproval. "You know thats not true. You have always had a great fanbase. They are stil there." I told him, "It's not like you're pushing 50 and still trying to be a rockstar." I joked.

He smiled a little. "Well, I'm sure I'd be able to rock my old red short shorts and sweatband but that's beside the point. I just think that since the twins are going into high school next year and--"

I drowned him out after that. Janey and Zack were going to be in high school. It only seemed like yesterday that they were only five, Janey dressing up in her fairy wings and Zack banging on pots and pans. Where had the time gone?

The next chapter in the joshaylex adventure. haha

Alex

I walked silently, handcuffed, as the two officers took me into what looked like to be an airport "jail" I guessed I would be staying here until I was transferred or when the miraculously decide to let me go. "You're allowed to make one phone call, I suggest you use it wisely." the officer grunted, as he closed the iron bars and locked them. I let out a breath and sat down on the cold, cement bench. It smelled funny in here.

"Can you call 867-2301?" I asked the officer, who clearly looked like he didn't want to be here.

He nodded once and grumbled again, walking back to his desk.

I ran a hand through my knotted hair and tried to remember what day it was. I looked at my watch, the only thing that wasn't taken from me. It was a little after midnight, which meant it was now Christmas Eve. I had planned to take Hayley on an extravagant adventure, to show her how much I really did love her and make the biggest decision of my life...but I fucked it up. Big time.

I couldn't even remember why I decided to get wasted. I guess you couldn't get rid of old habits easily. Once I took one sip I couldn't stop. Hayley was only being cross with me because she was worried, and I had hurt her bad. I could see it in her eyes. I didn't have time to explain when she burst through the door, not realizing I was making a deal, not shooting up heroin. It was too late now. She was gone.

"Phone." The officer grumbled, handing the reciever to me through the metal bars.

"Jack?" I asked when I took the phone.

"What the fuck is going on Al?" he hissed on the phone.

"I'm in the NYC International Airport Jail right now." I didn't even bother to sugar coat it. "They wouldn't let me get to Hayley..." I trailed off.

I heard him let out a long sigh. "I'll be there in 20 minutes." He said through his teeth. "and don't think I'm doing this because I feel sorry for you. You deserve it." I heard a click and the line ended. I chuckled and handed the phone back to the officer, who gave me a glare.

"Consider this your christmas present." Jack muttered as we walked into our house he walked over to the couch and kicked off his shoes. I walked over to the christmas tree silently, picking up the small red box that was hidden in the back. I was going to give to Hayley tonight. I undid the bow and opened the box slowly, letting out a breath as I pulled out the ring box and snapped it open to take one last look at the ring. It was simple, and unique. It was Hayley in every way.

"She would have said yes." Jack suddenly commented in a low voice.

"What?" I said, before understanding what he meant. I looked him in the eye and got his cold glare. He was still on her side, which was understandable. "I know." I said quietly, before snapping the box shut and throwing it across the room.

- - -

Hayley

I woke up to the smell of bacon and what I thought was waffles. My eyes fluttered open as I stretched my body, still stiff from sleeping in an weird position on his very comfortable couch. I pulled my hoodie over my head, wishing I had brought Alex's red hoodie. God, why was I still thinking about him? He didn't love you like you thought he did Hayley. Get over him already. The scent of bacon got me out of my conversation with myself once again and I got up and went to investigate the kitchen.

Josh turned his attention away from the stove and smiled at me. "Good. You're awake. You slept so hard I swear you were dead to the world." He joked. I laughed lightly. "Now sit." He scolded me playfully. "This is my special Christmas Eve Morning treat, including my famous smoothies so you better like it." he told me as he took the bacon out of the pan and onto a plate.

Within minutes everything was done and set out in front of me. Homemade waffles with blueberries, smoked bacon, fresh cut fruit, and a smoothie in a large glass and some orange juice. Talk about southern hospitality. "Wow Josh...you didn't have to do this for me." I stammered. I didn't mean to say it like that, I wanted to say thank you but it just popped out.

He wiped his hands and took a seat across from me. "Yes I do. Free lincoln-continental breakfast, remember?" he smirked as he took a bite of his waffle.

I pursed my lips, not having an answer to that. "Anyways... thank you for letting me sleep on your couch." I said before taking a sip of my smoothie. "and this smoothing is amazing."

"No problem, it wasn't like I was going to sleep on it last night anyways. Besides, it's the season of giving and helping one another." he shrugged, still making it seem like it wasn't a very big deal. I thought it was, but maybe it's because I feel guilty when people want to help me out. "and thanks, it's my secret recipe." he said with a small smile, moving onto his bacon. "so where does your Grandmother live? I can give you a ride to her house when we are done." he offered politely.

Now I felt like he was doing too much for me. I barely knew him for two days and he was being so nice to me and was willing to help me out. Franklin was definitely different from New York. "Um, she lives on Oak Ridge Blvd." I said, picking at my waffles. He had made too much food.

"My parent's house is on that street. I have to go over for Christmas Eve celebrations anyways, so I can just drop you off." He suggested, taking his and my plate to the sink.

"Perfect." I agreed.

"I don't see any cars in her driveway." Josh observed as I tried to see through the snow when he stopped in front of her house.

"It might be in her garage, I'll get out and knock on the door anyways." I decided, opening the door. It had finally stopped snowing last night, but the cold still chilled me to the bone.

"I'll come with you." Josh muttered, getting out as well. I wrapped my arms around me tighter as we walked up to the doorstep. I knocked on the door twice, and waited silently for any sound of footsteps. I knocked again, still nothing. "Maybe she isn't here."

I shook my head. "She is always here around christmas time." I argued.

"She isn't there." I heard someone yell.Josh and I turned to where the voice was coming from. It was a neighbor shoveling snow out of the driveway. "She went on some holiday cruise for two weeks. She'll be back next Tuesday."

I threw my head back and groaned. "Crap. I knew I should've never left New York! I can't believe I was this stupid to not call first, or--"

"Hey," Josh cut me off, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Calm down. It was a good thing you left New York. It was bad-timing, but then again you didn't expect to not be spending christmas with your ex."

I let out a long sigh. "Well what the heck am I going to do now?" I whined, putting my face into my hands.

I heard him clicking his tongue, his eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. "You are going to spend christmas with my family." He decided. I gave him a look. "No, you can't get your way out of this. It's decided."

"I feel like a charity case." I sighed, puckering my bottom lip slightly.

He chuckled. "No offense Hayley, but you kinda are a charity case." He joked. I let out a sigh. I hated being taken care of. I wasn't familiar to it. "Let's go." He said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to keep me warm.

Paija

*A few days later*

After the birthday extravaganza, it was nice to finally come back home and get back into the swing of things. Which was, in our family, total chaos.

"Mom! Where is my blue sweater?" Janey yell from her room.

I was downstairs in the kitchen, giving Hadley a glass of orange juice as she practically inhaled her breakfast. She was acting a little strange this morning. I brushed it off and went upstairs to see what Janey was yelling about. "What's wrong Janey?"

"My favorite blue sweater is missing! I want to wear it for the performance today!" She whined as she crossed her arms and slumped down onto her bed.

I let out a breath, remembering when I used to be in the same situation when I was 14. Was it really that long ago? I walked over to her closet and looked through her clothes, picking out a white sweater with thick black horizontal stripes. "I think this will look cute." I said, hoping that would get her out of her mood. "I'll help you with your eyeliner too if you want"

Janey got up and looked at it, touching the sweater and holding it up against her before she nodded in approval and satisfaction. "Could you do the cat eye like you and Aunt Hayley used to do?" she said with a small smile.

"Of course babe." I said softly. My heart swelled and I smiled, giving her a hug. This was going to be near the top my list of 'mother daughter moments' with Janey. I remembered when I first held her tiny little body in one arm and Zack in the other, promising them as they slept that I would be the best mother I could be and I would never ever turn into my mother, who I still hadn't really had a conversation with since I was pregnant with the twins. When Janey was diagnosed with cancer, I talked on the phone with her briefly and she sent Janey a bear and flowers. I was still angry to this day that she didn't come to the hospital and supported both of us. Then again, I wasn't the best daughter to her either.

I finished doing Janey's make-up, and made it look appropriate for her age by just doing the liquid eyeliner, mascara, and some clear lip gloss.

"T-minus 5 minutes before the Farro-mobile leaves, leaving any stragglers to take the smelly bus!" I heard Zac yell from downstairs.

Janey gave me a look. "Tell me why you married him again?"

I rolled my eyes. "Your dad is still 17 at heart. Give him a break." I said, defending him as we walked out of her room. "and not to mention he was a pretty sexy drummer when I first met him." I said with a smirk as we went down the stairs.

"Are you telling her how much of a sexy drummer I am?" Zac asked, raising his eyebrow suggestively.

I heard Zack gag as he came down the stairs. "Can we please not start that so early in the morning?" He whined, grabbing his backpack.

Zac and I laughed as I kissed him goodbye as he and the twins went out the door. Hadley trailed behind, wearing an awfully thick jacket for the beginning of april. It was open at the top and I saw a little bit of a familiar blue fabric. "Bye Mommy!" She hurriedly.

"Hold it kiddo." I said, as she froze and turned around, looking at me with a guilty expression. I motioned for her to walk over to me and I unzipped her coat. Underneath the thick coat was the exact sweater that Janey was freaking out about, obviously too big for her even with the sleeves rolled up. "Upstairs and change out of your sister's sweater, I'll take you to school when your finished." I scolded as her shoulders dropped in defeat as she mumbled underneath her breath, taking her own sweet time going up the stairs. For an 8 year old, she definitely kept me on my toes.

Here is the nest sequel to "All We Know" Please buzz and reply telling me what you think!

Paija

"Hold it. Birthday picture!" Zac snapped a quick photo as Janey and Zack whined. Today was the twins 14th birthday. Janae has been cancer free for 6 years. It took 3 long years to finally fight it off and get back to normal life. At least what was normal for us.I laughed as Zack rolled his eyes and let out another sigh. He refused to be called Zacky when he turned 10, he thought it sounded more mature to be called Zack and be considered more like an "adult". He was basically a carbon copy of his father but in a more athletic version and with my blue eyes. He also acquired the talent to be a monster at the drums.

"Can we please go now Daddy?" Janey asked, obviously kissing up. She batted her long eyelashes and pouted her bottom lip. Something he couldn't resist since she was a baby. Her hair had grown back in long golden waves and she took up vocal lessons from Hayley and sings in choir and at church. They seemed to get all of their talents from everyone else but me. Except for Janey's stubborness and Zacks tendency to get hot-headed.

"Alright, alright. Get in the car." He told them as they argued over who got the window seat. Even though they weren't little anymore, they still argued over everything. Little did they know that we had a huge surprise for them.

Zac gave me my favorite smile and a wink and then bent down to look Hadley in the eyes. Who was still clinging the hem of my shirt. Even at 8 years old, she still is a mommy's girl; and that didn't bother me one bit. "Hads, can you do something for me?"

She nodded. "As long as you don't make me eat dirt like Jimmy did yesterday. It tasted nasty." She told him seriously. I chuckled. She was quite the firecracker.

He laughed and ruffled her hair. "I promise not to make you eat dirt. I just want you to hold this box for me. It has the twins birthday cake in it and I want you to be the official birthday cake guard. Can you do that for me?" Her face lit up. "Can I have a piece later?" She questioned before agreeing to what he had asked.

He nodded and she grinned. "Okay! I'll guard it with my life Daddy." He kissed her forehead before she climbed into the car.

"Ready for the chaos to begin?" I asked quietly, letting out a breath as we both got into the car. He shrugged and leaned over to kiss me lightly, earning a groan from all three in the back.

"You two seriously need to stop doing that." Janey groaned.

Hayley

"Josh, you need to hurry up! We're gonna be late for the surprise party." I yelled as I finished putting the dress over Scarlett's head. She was 3 years old and a disaster waiting to happen.

"Cake now?" She asked with her green eyes growing wide.

I shook my head. "No Scar, cake time is later."

"No! Cake time noww!" She screeched, tears started to well up in her eyes. I sighed, the terrible three's was definitely worse than then terrible two's.

"If you can't be a good girl I'm going to have to put you on the naughty mat and you can't go to the fancy party." I scolded her lightly as I managed to get a bow clip in her hair. She pouted and buried her face into my neck, exhaling in frustration. "Jossssh!" I yelled again.

"Calm down babe, I was helping Molly with her outfit." he admitted, leaning against the door frame.

I gave him an appraising look. "You? giving fashion advice? This is new."

He shrugged. "Well you were busy with Scar, so I'd thought I would be a good Dad. Aren't you proud of me?" he smirked, giving me the puppy eyes. They still had the same effect on me.

"Of course." I said before placing a kiss on his lips as he snaked his arm around my waist to pull me closer. I resisted and pulled away. "Not right now babe. We have some place to be and our daughters are roaming around in plain sight." I told him sternly.

He sighed before scooping Scarlett up into his arms. "Fine" He then smiled and twirled her around like an airplane. "Watch out! Scarlett Anne Farro coming in for landing!" he announced before making plane noises. She giggled like crazy. Like Molly, Scarlett looked almost exactly like Josh. But she had my feisty personality. Which kept us on our toes most of the time.

"Okay my little airplane and pilot, we have a party to go to!" I said happily.

Zac

"Well the lights are off....isn't that suspicious." I scoffed, giving away the surprise. I gave Paija a sly grin as she shot me a look. A few seconds later, I flipped the lights on and everyone jumped out and yelled "SURPRISE!" I took a picture of Zack and Janey's reactions, knowing that I could use them for good use later. We made sure to invite all of their friends and everyone including our friends who had known them since they were little.The decorations worked out beautifully. The room was decorated in dark reds and blues with a disco ball and colored lights. It looked more like a rave club than a couple of 14 year old's birthday party.

Janey squealed and gave me a quick hug. "Thank you so much Daddy!"

"Don't thank me, thank your Mom. She was the one who put this together." I said turning to Paija who rolled her eyes and then gave Janey and Zack tight squeezes. "Now go have fun with your friends. We don't want to be stuck with you two all night." I joked, earning a light smack from Paija. Janey instantly saw her group of girlfriends and disappeared into the crowd in a fit of squeals and giggles. Zack found Annie, Jeremy and Sarah's daughter and went off. They had become quite close over the years.

"What about me?" Hadley pouted, feeling left out.

I spotted Hayley and Josh with their daughters coming our way. "Look Hads, Molly is coming over right now, be patient." I told her calmly. She nodded but rocked back and forth on her heels trying to keep herself busy. She was only 8 afterall.

"Nice job on the party, it looks great!" Josh exclaimed, giving me a hug. 

Hayley was trying to keep ahold of Scarlett who was trying to wriggle out of her arms. "Down!" Scarlett demanded.

Hayley shook her head. "No Scar, if you want some cake you need to be a good girl for Mommy, okay?"

Scarlett puckered her bottom lip and glowered. "Oh-tay." She sighed, giving up and resting her head on Hayley's shoulder.

Paija laughed lightly. "Looks like you've got your hands full." She teased, knowing fully well what Hayley was going through. Hadley by far was the worst one out of the three. She could never stay still.

"and that's why i can't wait for day care to start next week." She said, causing both she and Paija to laugh.

Hadley tugged on Paija's dress. "Can I go play with Molly now?" She asked, giving her the puppy dog eyes.

"Ok, but be careful!" Paija called after her as she and Molly darted off in search of the dessert table.

"Well, we are going to go mingle. I spotted Bill and Adam over by the punch table, I haven't seen them in so long." Hayley said as she and Josh walked over to them and gave them hugs.

Paija walked in front of me and wrapped her arms around my waist. She looked beautiful tonight. Her makeup was soft and light and she kept her hair down in long loose golden curls. I was glad she decided to go back to her natural blond. She looked almost the same way she did when we first met, almost 16 years ago. "I think we did a good job." She said with a smile. I nodded, still smiling at her and stroking her hair. "What?" She whined.

"Nothing," I mused. "You just look beautiful." I said quietly.

Even in the dimly lit area I could see her blushing. "After 3 kids and 16 years of marriage, i consider that an accomplishment."

"Hey, we got married young. We aren't old farts yet. You're only 35." I laughed earning another smack from her.

"36 next month. Face it, we aren't that young and hip anymore, and you aren't as thin as you used to be." She teased.

My mouth gaped open. "I can't believe my wife thinks I'm fat." I scoffed, faking hurt. "Hand me a phone, I need to call Jenny Craig." Paija smacked me again and laughed. I grinned and kissed her softly. "Come on, let's go boogey." I said, dragging her out to the dancefloor.

WUDDUP BUZZNETTERS

So I've had some major writers block with "Infinite" and I want to start fresh and sadly let you all know that Infinite is the only story that I'm continuing, and "Dead Like Me" and "Stuck On You" Are officially discontinued.

But on a happier note, I've been thinking about starting another, maybe even possibly a sequel to one of my older fics. I've learned my lesson about starting multiple stories and I'm only having two at a time.

So, the reason why I'm writing this journal is to ask you, the readers if you would reply in a comment below if you would like:

a new joshayley story

OR

a sequel to All We Know (my first story)

-Paija

and also expect some oneshots to be posted soon

I'd always thought that I was perfectly fine being alone... Love was a complicated, hurtful thing that left both people broken and feeling empty.

Now here I lie in my old bed, running my fingers through his hair absentmindedly as the moonlight streamed through the window, illuminating his beautiful, peaceful face as he slept. I was visiting my mom after our summer tour had finished and Josh had came over and we fell asleep in my room watching all our favorite movies. It was normal for us to sleep in the same bed, we have been best friends since we were kids, but this time it seemed different. He almost looked like he did when he was 13..innocent and carefree with the smile he only let me see when I first moved here. It felt weird to be back in my old room, the red walls seemed faded, plastered with posters that were now curling at the ends of all the shows I had been to. My window was wide open as always, his room was right across from mine from the house next to mine.

I smiled as I remembered when we would play outside all day with his brothers and sister and were forced to come back inside when it was dark. That never stopped us.

"Can I be excused?" I asked, practically inhaling the rest of the food on my plate and swallowed. Usually my Daddy would scold me, and tell me to use my manners, but his blank expression and the circles underneath his eyes told me differently. He simply nodded before sharing a cold glance with Momma. We moved from Mississippi to Franklin in hopes that all of our problems would get better. They only seemed to get worse. I pushed my chair back and got up, making a beeline for the stairs.

"Don't forget to wash up Hayley! It's almost bedtime." I heard my mother yell as I rolled my eyes and made my way to the bathroom. I changed quickly into my pajamas, which were some spongebob pj pants and a plain white t-shirt and brushed my teeth and managed to get the knots out of my hair before walking into my room and falling faceforward on my bed, burying my head into my pillow.

I could hear my parents conversation escalating into an argument as they cleaned up dinner. I let out a sigh and tried to block out what they were saying. I heard static coming from underneath my pillow. "Permission to speak. over." I heard a muffled voice say. A smile instantly graced my lips as I pulled the walkie talkie from underneath my pillow and raced over to my windowsill and opened the curtains. "Permission granted. over." I said as I saw him smile back, his long hair was in his face as he waved shyly before Zac came running over to the window and waved furiously until he lost his balance and almost fell out of the window. Josh grabbed him soon enough and rolled his eyes as Zac walked away from the window.

That was how I survived most of the nights of endless fighting. Staying up late, talking with Josh as he made me jokes to make me feel better. That was until that one mid-april night. It was pouring rain...

I heard a huge doorslam and fast paced footsteps going down the stairs. I got up and tiptoed as quietly as I could out of my room and out in the hallway, where I could safely see what was going on without being caught. I clutched onto the railing, where I saw Daddy pacing back and forth as Momma cried silently in her chair, holding her chest as if she were trying to keep herself from falling apart. "This isn't working is it..." He muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Momma wiped away the tears that had fallen on her cheeks. "Be honest, John. Did it ever work in the first place? You said that this move was going to change us, bring us closer, but its not working." She started to sob. "I want this to be over."

Daddy let out a frustrated sigh that dwindled into a sob. I had never seen him cry. "You are just giving up, Kirsty. You're not giving it a chance. I've tried so hard to make it work and show you that I care...I'm not strong enough to convince you anymore..."

I held my knees close to my body and rocked back and forth, trying to keep the tears from escaping. I didn't bother to move as my daddy walked back up the stairs, wiping tears away from his face, defeated. My heart felt like it was being ripped out of its chest. I should have expected it nonetheless, but i never wanted it to happen in reality. 

I staggered as I tried to get up and walk into my parents room. I stood in the doorway as I watched him pack as much clothes as he could in a suitcase before finally snapping it shut. "Daddy?" I whispered, my voice wavered.

He looked up and his gaze locked with mine as I watched his shoulders fall. "I'm so sorry Hayles..." he said as he kissed my forehead and walked past me.

I followed him down the stairs and saw Momma waiting by the door with an expression as cold as stone. She could have passed for a statue except for her worn pink robe and the smeared makeup underneath her swollen eyes. I couldn't believe she was allowing him to leave. It didn't matter anyways, the damage was done, they were never going to be the people they were before tonight. Momma looked up once to look at me. Her expression almost said that she was sorry for what I was witnessing.

Daddy looked at her for one last time before putting on his coat and hat, opening the door and letting in a gust of icy wind as the rain came down even harder. He looked back at me before walking out onto our porch and out on the walkway where a cab was waiting for him. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I ran after him, not caring that the rain was soaking my clothes as I wrapped my arms around his waist. He didn't say anything, he only wrapped his arms around me in a tight goodbye hug. "I'll be back soon. I promise." he said as I sobbed. I didn't want to let go even whe he pried my arms away from him and picked up his suitcase and put it in the trunk and got into the back of the cab, avoiding my glance as they drove away. I stood there for a moment, letting the water drip down my face mixing with my tears. When I started to shiver I walked back inside, shutting the door silently as I saw Momma in her favorite chair, with that same statuesque expression. "I'll offer you a word of advice Hayley. Never fall in love. You always end up getting hurt in the end." she said as she got up walked up the stairs silently, down the hallway and into her room before slamming her door shut.

I ran up to my room and scrambled to find my walkie talkie, trying to hold back my sobs. "Josh?" I said into the speaker, the seconds went by like hours as I silently hoped he would answer.

"...What's wrong Hayley? It's like 3 in the morning."

"My dad left my mom...He left us." I said holding back a sob, knowing that was all I needed to say.

"I'll be right over." he said before I turned off the walkie talkie and sat on the edge of my bed, not caring that I was still soaking wet.

I didn't expect him to be so literal, but there he was, climbing onto my balcony, his grey shirt soaked from the rain as he  sat down beside me and gave me a tight hug and a packet of twinkies. My favorite dessert. At that point, I knew that apart of me knew that it was going to be okay.

I never considered wanting to be with Josh. My mothers words always hung in the back of my mind like a shadow. It never left me. Now that I thought about it, I realized that since that day I had always lived like this. Afraid of letting down my guard and content with being alone and keeping my distance. I thought that the pain of losing someone wasn't worth the risk. I wasn't going to end up like my parents. Love never lasted anyways. 

But everything I thought I knew seemed to sound like crap as I looked at his face once again. He was the only person who was always there for me. The one who made me feel safe and wanted. He was my only exception.

I got up out of bed and wrapped my arms around myself, shivering as I walked out onto my balcony. The chilly air stung my eyes and made my cheeks feel numb. It smelled like rain from the night before, my favorite scent. I looked at the sky, which was streaked with bright pinks and oranges as the sun started to come up.  The more I tried to avoid the situation, the more the thoughts began to fill my head. His face kept appearing in my head and all of the moments that we had together. I looked back onto my bed and his sleeping figure. I knew he would be leaving to visit his own family next door. I wanted something that told me this wasn't all a dream...and that love could truly exist, no strings attached.

I suddenly felt like I was not alone and I turned my head to look past my shoulder and saw him standing right behind me on the balcony, his hair stuck up in different places. The morning light only made him look more angelic. Without another word I wrapped my tiny arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest and inhaled his scent. He returned the embrace and rested his cheek on the top of my head. It felt to easy. Like we were meant to be like this.

I pulled away slightly to look up at him with a small, but hopeful smile. I'm sure my face could show everything that I was feeling. He merely smiled back and brushed the pieces of hair out of my face, stroking my cheek lightly with his cold fingers before pressing his lips to my forehead. If this is what love felt like, then maybe I couldn't disapprove that love actually existed. Then this was the first step on my way to believing.